It's what we all deserve.....

When we put a lot of effort....

....into something, when we try as hard as we can yet get nowhere, we can easily conclude that we must have wasted our time. Dodgy phrase, though, carries a lot of weight, so it should never be used lightly. Did we enjoy trying? Did we learn something from it? Did the process of doing one thing cause something else to happen? Is there a possibility that one day we may look back on what we have been through and feel better about it?

  



You will only waste time if you throw waves of negativity at things......or worry about wasting such time.

Hatred is blind, as well as love.   (Oscar Wilde)

I don't know about you.....

....but I'm beginning to feel faint due to not having a 'they say' moment for a long time.  Best change that -

They say success breeds success.  But success can sometimes create overconfidence. Great errors can be made by the victorious. The defeated tend to be more careful. Failure is a wonderful teacher. When we get it wrong, and we work out why we got it wrong, we can then see how to get it right. As long as we learn from our mistakes, success will never be far away.

And it will taste all the sweeter if it replaces the sourness of disappointment.

Imagination is more important than knowledge  (Albert Einstein)

You can argue with....

....the past as much as you like. It won't respond. It can't change. It can't even argue back! Happily, though, you don't have to resolve your differences with it. You can remain uncomfortable about anything that has taken place before now. This won't do you any harm as long as you don't carry the dispute forward.

The future doesn't need to be argued with. It needs to be cajoled, coaxed and persuaded. You can talk it into agreeing with you and, through that process, you can turn it into something you like.

Materialism is an identity crisis  (Bryant H McGill)

Please take time to think about....

.....going to some lengths to procure the seed of a rare and valuable flower. You bury it, you water it and then you begin to feel more than a little hacked off because no shoots are appearing. Does this mean you should now decide to dig it up and plant something else instead?

Why not apply just a little more patience to your project? You may not yet be able to get a clear idea of how long it is going to take. You may not even be entirely sure that it will ever come to fruition. But something drew you to it in the first place. Try trusting that impulse.

You may still have to wait a while for the bloom, but you could at least see exciting new leaves if you persevere.

Nothing is worth more than this day   (Johann Wolfgang van Gothe)

Imagine being given a.....

....mathematical equation to solve. Rather than attempt to work it out, you simply pick your favourite number and make it become the answer. Then you recalculate, adding an additional process here or there until it justifies the result that you want.

Very often, we all do something along these lines. We decide how we think things ought to be, then retrospectively create a set of arguments and explanations to support this idea.

It might be far better to be more open-minded and honest.

You may delay, but time will not.    (Benjamin Franklin)

Fight or flight?....

....It's not much of a choice, is it? Why stand your ground when you can rise above it? Why battle to protect a position when you can take up a new one, anywhere you want to? If you really feel an argument is worth pursuing, give it all you've got. But ask yourself how bad it would be if your side were to lose?

There comes a point where you have to stand back at least far enough to know how far in you truly need to wade.

We are wiser than we know  (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Some of us of a certain age....

....saw a film clip years ago showing Lemmings following each other blindly over a cliff, into oblivion -and it looked like a convincing documentary.  They do no such thing.  Nevertheless, even to this day, when people bravely stand up and say, 'Hey! That's not what lemmings do at all,' most people are inclined to disbelieve them. They want to go along with the conventional assumption. Like lemmings! Or rather, not like lemmings!

Dare to be different.

Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely.   (Auguste Rodin)

We watch too many......

...adverts. We see too many movies. These are all full of carefully filmed, beautifully lit, perfectly acted scenes. (Well, yes, we could debate the 'perfectly acted' bit.)  They are edited to give the impression of a life in which everything is electric and magical. So, when we find ourselves feeling flat, dull or depressed, we feel that somehow we are failing.

Nobody tells us that there is nothing wrong in feeling wrong - or that it is quite ordinary to be ordinary!

Life can only be understood looking backward. It must be lived forward. (Eric Roth)

I've yet to meet anyone who hasn't....

.....at least heard of Christopher Columbus.  I don't know much about him - he was slightly before my time - but I do know that he was ridiculed for his belief.  Many even considered him mad.  
History is full of great tales about things that people once thought impossible but which turned out to be perfectly viable. It is, of course, also full of salutary tales involving unrealistic expectations.

But every so often in life, we all have to reach for our dreams - no matter how far-fetched other people consider them to be.

Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Imagine what would happen....

....to the drug companies if we all stopped getting sick. And if we all stopped committing crimes, we'd not only put the police out of work, we'd impoverish the judiciary and create a worldwide glut of redundant journalists.

  

We all, to some extent, benefit from developments that disadvantage other people. We need to be conscious of this.

Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you're living?     (Bob Marley)

I'm sure we all know....

...who falls into which category -

We don't win arguments by....

...shouting the loudest, or just by being doggedly petulant. We win by being wise, by standing back, holding back, thinking carefully and choosing our words well. If we really want to win, we transcend our fear of losing. We give way when we can and seek compromise rather than conflict.

Hollow victories are easily attainable. Meaningful agreements, though, while they may be much more difficult to arrive at, will always prove infinitely more rewarding.

If you don't want a tail of a monkey to touch you 

then don't attend the monkey dance.      (African Proverb)

When you don't give....

....your all, you shouldn't expect to do anything other than fail -

What more is there to say?.....

I think I can safely assume that....

....you are very clever.  But intellect is not everything. Many who are extremely adept with words and numbers, often sorely lack basic common sense. A high IQ is definitely not an indication of a high EQ. Who on earth wants an overdeveloped brain and an underdeveloped heart?  Life, at times, offers us golden opportunities to become more emotionally well-rounded and to make choices that confirm the depth of empathy and understanding that we are capable of showing.

That is definitely a challenge to rise to.  It is, after all, the only one that matters.

When men speak ill of thee, live so as nobody may believe them.   (Plato)

Imagine if the health and safety....

mandarins really ruled the world. (Perish the thought!!) They would shut down the circus for starters. Trapeze artists? Forget it. High-wire walkers? Only to a maximum height of 11 inches - and even then, with special safety boots.

Yet if we don't take ourselves to the edge every now and then, we never discover what we are capable of.

Faith is an oasis in the heart which will never be reached by the caravan of thinking. (Khalil Gibran)

Why wouldn't you?.....

All we want is....

...to be in the right place, for the right reasons, at the right time, getting the right results. Why then, do we so often feel as if it is all completely wrong? Because we are trying too hard to get it right?

Our moods are much more powerful than we realise. They can affect us so badly as to totally transform our understanding of a situation. We invariably imagine some external factor lies behind a sense of unhappiness or frustration. One small shift of viewpoint, though, can alter everything.

Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding.    

(Mahatma Gandhi)

If only we would.....

Our best is.....

.....all we can ever do.  And how do we do that? Well, we certainly don't achieve it by worrying about whether we could be doing better. When we try too hard, we spoil things. We create unnecessary complications. We reopen wounds that are best left alone and given time to heal. When you want to solve a particular problem to the highest possible standard, you still need to remember where to show respect and draw the line.

Always remember the do as you would be done by ethos.  A few minutes of careful thought are worth hours of aimless effort.

You have to hurt in order to know. Fall in order to grow. Lose in order to gain. 

Because most of life's lessons are learned in pain.

Why are tourist venues....

...full of gift shops? Why do airports, stations and motorway services sell so many novelties that are ideal for passing to friends and loved ones? Because business people know that when people are far from home they think more fondly of the companions they have left behind, and generally feel more generously disposed. Absence makes the heart grow fonder... and all that.

But always, the greatest present is a presence - at least it is for those who aren't more than a little shallow. Many times, others need time and attention, not your money.

The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people halfway. (Henry Boye)

What's the difference.....

.....between love and hate? Both are illogical and unreasonable. Both involve close connections and deep emotions. But, unlike other opposites (such as day and night or sunshine and rain), we cannot say that there's a redeeming feature to the opposite side of the coin - or that, sooner or later, it will automatically flip over.

Wherever there is something or someone you despise, find something to like about it. A situation will only change once you change something in the way you see it.

Real progress never comes from getting the better of anyone, 

but from getting the best out of them.

The future we all face....

Anyone who did even rudimentary....

....physics at school will know that hot air rises.  That's why attics tend to be warmer than basements, especially in houses that are heated. It is also why passenger balloons fly. Not only does it rise, it expands. Much the same can be said of the kind of hot air that people spout when they are debating controversial and emotive issues. Enough hot air for a fleet of Zeppelins!

The more we discuss any subject, the more discussion it seems to merit. Small differences of opinion become bigger. Quite often we ought to deflate unnecessary arguments. It really is a question of least said, soonest mended.

Maturing is realizing how many things don't require your comment.

We all understand, and then conveniently....

.... (or rather, inconveniently) forget that in war, there are no winners and in love, there are no losers. Instead, we convince ourselves that if we fight with all our might for a cause that we believe to be right, we will emerge victorious and vindicated - rather than scarred forever by our tragic losses. And, because we mistake love for 'ownership', we associate it with pain.

But a genuinely generous and giving heart can never be broken.

Your past is not your potential. In any hour you can choose to liberate the future. 

(Marilyn Ferguson)

He knew.....

....Oh how he knew -

The world is full of people....

....who think they know how things need to be, how actions should be performed, how judgements ought to be made and how problems have to be solved. Yet, even if we choose to listen to the folk who hold these opinions so strongly, we have to acknowledge that there is no great consensus. Those big, powerful ideas and views differ wildly from place to place and person to person.

That's all the more reason for you to trust your own thoughts and feelings.

What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, 

but what is woven into the lives of others.

Passions and moods....

....are not logical. We don't sit down and plot the emotions that we intend to feel soon. Our feelings sneak up on us when we least expect it and rarely do they ask reasonable questions like, 'Have you got time for this, right now?' You can't change, nor fully control some of your deepest yearnings and most profound reactions but you can at least negotiate with them.

They can take over a large part of your heart if they really need to. But they must agree not to absorb all of your energy and attention.

The artist who aims at perfection in everything achieves it in nothing.   (Eugene Delacrois)

There's a phrase that gets....

....used sometimes, about people who are overly keen to be helpful and agreeable. They are dismissed by less accommodating individuals as 'people pleasers'. The thing is, though, even the sharpest and the toughest among us, have to do a degree of people-pleasing from time to time. And they learn exactly the same as the more socially fluid and easier-going amongst us also eventually learn. There's simply no pleasing some people!

Even so, it is often a very worthwhile thing to attempt.

A kind deed a day, like little drops of rain, makes a mighty ocean 

and a gracious nation.     (Lin Hsiu Nei)

We all have aspects of....

.....our past that we now rather regret. There are invariably things we wish we had never done - or said. That's why we should always be just a little gentle when we find out facts about someone else's history and feel inclined to think, 'How could they ever have thought that that was okay?' Could not someone else point an accusing finger at you and ask an identical question?

You can be sure of only two things - You don't know anyone, and have never known anyone, who has any right to sit in judgement.  And an intense focus on the events of yesteryear will afford you no real progress or satisfaction.

You will begin to heal when you let go of past hurts, forgive those who have wronged you and learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes.

We can't deny it....

What do you want to do....

....when you grow up?   Now that's a question that, when you stop and think about it, It is as appropriate to ask of a 70-year-old, as a seven-year-old. We must all aspire to something if our lives are to have meaning. And no matter how many responsibilities we may have, we should never think of ourselves as having reached an age of full maturity.

 

There is always something more to learn, to achieve and to grow into.

People too weak to follow their own dreams will always find a way to discourage yours.

Can anybody tell me?.....

Finding fault is like....

....killing pheasants. It is not so difficult! These birds have an amazing propensity to put themselves in harm's way. There is much more skill involved in not hurting a pheasant, especially if you happen to be driving down a country road at the peak of their breeding season. 

Faults are all too easy to find. It is far more rewarding to hunt down things that are truly worthy of praise. There is nothing especially clever about criticism.

You can't let praise or criticism get to you. It's a weakness to get caught up in either one.    (John Wooden)

Society requires us....

....to be polite. We are taught from an early age to pick our words carefully and to phrase our questions delicately. We must say please and thank you. We must not speak openly about matters that may cause embarrassment. We must disguise our most intense emotions and pretend that we like people, even if we don't. Whilst a few of us break these rules, the majority strive to stick to them.

So how can we tell what anyone else is really thinking or feeling?

The past is your lesson. The present is your gift. The future is your motivation.

Why waste all that money....

....on coffee? Why not buy caffeine tablets. A couple of those and you can have the jitters all day long without the need for milk, sugar or hazelnut flavoured syrup. Science has become very good at extracting the essence of natural substances.

It can't, though, isolate the vital ingredient in happiness. The recipe for that keeps changing. Even within each individual it alters with the passage of time.

Truth is strong, and sometime or other will prevail.       (Mary Astell)

Are you sitting comfortably?....

....Well don't stay there for too long, you may get deep-vein thrombosis. So stand up - but not too quickly - it may induce vertigo. You can't be too careful, you know. Ah, but, you can. Ironically, it is often when we are unduly concerned about a potential danger that we end up inadvertently putting ourselves in harm's way.

We tense up in expectation of trouble and somehow this causes us to create it.

You can have everything in life you want, 

if you will just help other people get what they want.      (Zig Ziglar)

Even if you win....

....the rat race, you're still a rat. The world is full of people who worship the great god money. They believe it has total power.

Yet the funny thing is, even when you actually do have enough of this stuff to pay your bills and have a full stomach, you don't get any wiser, kinder, smarter or more talented.

Nice possessions are nice things.  But if you're not enough without them, 

you'll never be enough with them.

To err is human. To forgive, divine....

....We cannot argue with this old saying. Or can we? Can we not take issue with the word 'err'? It is such a little word. It looks like an abbreviation for the word 'error'. Yet an error sounds like a small thing, a minor mistake, a slip of the tongue or the pen. Why would anyone ever resist the idea of forgiving such a thing?

But there is just as strong a case for extending forgiveness, even to those whose transgressions are far, far, greater.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.    

 (Mahatma Gandhi)

When asked for the reasons....

...behind their decisions, most people give the explanation that they suspect will make them sound most sensible. Rarely, though, do those answers reflect the real story. Our biggest choices and preferences are generally influenced by emotions and instincts. We fear that if we confess to these we may sound immature so we keep quiet about them.

 

If, though, you want to help someone see a situation from a different point of view, you need to first discover what's truly motivating them.

A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others.    (Ayn Rand)

We all know that....

...the best mushrooms grow on rich manure, and the sweetest wines are made from rotting grapes. Nature almost goes out of its way to hint at the hidden value of the seemingly undesirable. Nevertheless, we find ourselves fighting against a tide of almost instinctive resistance, whenever we want to exploit this understanding to our advantage. Our desire to reject what we don't like the look of, also seems perfectly natural.

  

There are times in life when we're given the opportunity to think more deeply about what's really in front of us and what it could be worth.

Self praise is no praise at all.  (English Proverb)

Who could sensibly argue that....

....we are not like mirrors. After all, we reflect back whatever comes our way. When we feel particularly defensive, we become even more inclined to shroud our sensitive souls in this way. We just give back whatever we seem to be getting. If we hear negativity, we echo it. Thus we increase the extent of negativity's range.

  

So what are we supposed to do? Absorb it? That's even worse. We need to try to transform it.

Love is more than a noun.  It is a verb.  It is more than a feeling - 

it is caring, sharing, helping, sacrificing.      (William Arthur Ward)

At an early age....

....we are sent to school. There, facts and figures are drummed into our heads. No wonder we all feel that we know so much. Yet, though we may be mines of trivial information, there are still many things we do not understand. It's just that, because none of us wishes to appear ignorant, we try to deny this. We act as if we have all the answers, even when it is patently clear that it can't be so.

No wonder we sometimes make the wrong choices.

There is no respect for others without humility in one's self.   (Henri Frederic Amiel)

It takes far less energy....

....to say something than it does to do something. And, the more you talk, the more you can persuade yourself that your words are almost as powerful as your actions. You can psych yourself into a state of triumph whilst doing absolutely nothing.

Talk, is cheap. Actions cost energy and commitment, but they bring real results.

Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it. (Rabindranath Tagore)

Don't give yourself....

....a hard time. Don't assume that you have something to apologise for. Even if you do have a skeleton in your closet, you are not alone. There are more than seven billion people on this earth. That's seven billion closets. Not one of them is empty. (But I fancy we all know people who would swear black is white that they have no skeletons.)  Don't race for the moral high ground. The very act of reaching for that puts you on lower ground! Do, though, be proud, clear and conscious.

We all have a right to ask for what we want, and a right to expect our wish will be granted.




None of us has got it together, but together we've got it.   (J John)

Rather than judge.....

Growth is....

Virtually all of us believe....

....that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.  It isn't.  It can't be, because it entirely depends on which side of the fence you happen to be sitting on! We all have a terrible tendency to believe what we want to believe. We don't so much kid ourselves as con ourselves. We stare into the mirror until, by some process of wishful thinking, we have distorted the reflection.

We embellish our identities - and when the cold light of reason threatens to burst the bubble, we rapidly look the other way.

Before you assume, learn. Before you judge, understand. Before you hurt, feel. Before you say, think.